Well, I have been gone for a while. I must have written down at least 15 different ideas for different posts, since I last wrote out all my dirty little secrets to share with you.
First, I think that I have decided the "format" for this blog is going to be 'Working with..(whatever)"as in
"Working within Mark's dietary restrictions or regulations, or requirements" or
"working with (whatever idea pops into my head at any given moment)
Since we are on the subject, my dear sweet hubby has A LOT of weird ideas about food, how it should be served, what's right, and definitely what is NOT right. Like:
Did you know that you cannot eat hotdogs unless they are in the proper size regulation hotdog bun?? Ok, wait, I think you can have them with beanies, too, as in beanie weanies, but then you don't use bread, you cut them up (to the correct size, of course, which is 3/8 of an inch, btw) But for God's sake, you can't eat them on bread, sliced in half, and you certainly cannot have a hotdog on a bagel, after you cut little slits in the side, so it curls up when you cook it, cuz that's just weird, ok?
There is also a required "order" to put together a sandwich, and if you don't do it in the correct order, (bottom to top, bread, meat,cheese, lettuce, tomato and onion, mayo on top half of bun, then salt and pepper) it doesn't taste right. Really? ok, and, if you are having your sandwich on bread, it needs to be cut diagonally, not straight across, and there are certain things you toast the bread for,... but Jesus Christ on cross, not turkey!! I believe that ham salad is something I made up, and what the fuck is that? Did I put raisins in my chicken salad? ew, that's just gross, plain and simple (He finally came around to the fact that if I am making the tuna salad, it WILL have hard boiled eggs in it.)
Let's see, scrambled eggs? Scrambled in the skillet, with buttered toast on the side. sunny side up? ON the toast, but NO, don't butter the toast..I haven't even asked about poached, cuz I like mine on big thick cubes of toasted buttered french bread, and I'm not interested in the correct way to serve them. Oh, and the correct amount for A serving of bacon? That'd be the whole pound, minus the 2 pieces that I eat. Scrapple is the same way, but it had better be RAPA, not some other alien form of cut up pig parts with gristle. And it must be cut into proper, even 1/4 inch thick pieces, ok?
Milk is milk, ok? Almond milk, soy milk, rice mile, you name it, unacceptable. Milk comes from cows, and Mark drinks moo cow fuck milk (lactose reduced, and low-fat,but REAL milk, nonetheless, and that's it. Mark say's his mom's not here, so no one can make him try it. ( we won't even go into the fact that Mark's Mon couldn't cook her way out of a paper bag, and ANYTHING she cooked had to be singed to within an inch of it's existence, and the only time I ever saw a beautiful turkey come out of her oven, she stripped all of the skin off of it (while I wasn't looking) and threw that in the TRASH, for "health" reasons.(but never mind the health factor in ho-hos, twinkies, pringles, oreos, or any of the single serving junk she kept around to feed her grandchildren) And wile we are on the subject of turkey, I LOVE leftover turkey and gravy, over waffles, a well worn tradition in my home growing up ( and seriously, don't knock it until you have tried it) My Mom once introduced all of her Chicago friends to this culinary delight, and they all said "yuck" at first, but 2 hours later, she was still making waffles to go under the turkey and gravy. I only get this treat now when Mark is somewhere else, and Mud and Fud come over to help out with things. We then plan a waffle/turkey gravy orgy, and eat it until I explode. But, in mark's world, waffles get butter and syrup, and that is it, over and out. He will always compliment my mom on her potato salad, but anything else may or may not be actual FOOD, not some peculiar Pennsylvania Dutch monstrosity that I am trying to convince him is delicious.
This is only the beginning in a long list, and I haven't even gotten to the allergies, and sensitivities to certain food items (and some of them are only once in a while, like honey..hmmmmm)
Good thing he likes to cook.
Talk to you soon
