Working with Technology (I'm the computer tech?)

So, I have a friend, we'll call him "r", he is  a really good friend, and I "help" him with his technology issues.He always helps me with anything I need, so I figure I can work this out. (with lots of help from my hubby)  Believe me, if there was someone else lining up for the job, they'd be welcome to it, cuz basically, I don't know fuck all about computers.
But, I figured out how to build a website (www.100pointsofpeace.com) (with much help from my hubby) and I worked out a system for cataloging the photographs of the points of peace, and I do my best to maintain the site, and all is good. It's nothing flashy, but we have it, he's got email, and all is well in the world as we know it.......
Except, there was a problem with our internet provider. (keep in mind, that at home, this would all be my hubby's domain) We weren't happy with the service that was (or was not) being provided, so..r decided that they could take a flying leap, and he told them so (and in a much nicer way than I would have after spending for 3 fucking hours on the phone with them).
Not so large a problem, you are thinking. Well, you must not live in the middle of the eastern panhandle of West Virginia, I'm thinking, because it IS a problem, to get internet in the middle of bum fuck nowhere.
Let me tell you about it.
I called Frontier, and they told me that the cable was not run in our area. I called Direct TV (who r already has television with) and they could not help us either. I tried Skynet, and Skyweb, no, not really, and then HURRAY!!  Skyblue said yes, bet when the technician came out, he said, no, not really. sorry. I tried Verizon, same story as Frontier.
I tried a bunch of different places, but it wasn't looking good, and we really really really did not want to go back to our original provider. Anyway, r got a flyer in the mail, for Dish and bundled packages for internet service. Oh boy!! 
(We won't even go into the whole saga of cancelling Direct TV and getting screwed for $400. I'm still working on that one.)
So, we signed up with dish. They bundled us with Lumos, or some fucking place there are so many fucking sky names going on, and we set up a time, and lo and behold, it's the same guy who came out before, and he says, no, not really, sorry.
I'm getting pretty fed up here,  but for some reason, probably at r's urgung, i called Frontier back, and, hey, now they DO have the cable run into our area...so I sign up.
But there had been a big storm
and all their people were busy
for at least 2 more weeks
but I don't have a lot of fucking options here, so I sign up, and take a number
Sigh. So, I take r's brand new computer home (oh, by the way, hubby pricked that out, too), and run (with lots of help from my hubby) all the updates, and prepare it to go back to him, when he gets internet.
So the guy shows up....
and he looks at all the antique phone wiring in the house...
and he can't do it,  YET, but he will come back, after r's vacation, and run all the new wires, and we will be good to go
YAY
But in the meantime, our friend S shows up, and she has an Iphone. And she is getting online, and showing r stuff, and he has this puzzled look on his face, but finally he comes out with it
"why can SHE get internet, and I can't?"
She has a 3G thing
"why can't I get that?"
It's not the same
"why?"
I don't know
"well, you know everything else"
no I don't
"well, then ask your hubby"
So I do, I get on the phone, and call Mark, and ask him why S can get 3G, and r can't.
He explains it to my satisfaction, and in a way that I can explain it to r, and I thank him, and get off the phone
I turn to r, and he says,
"well  J comes over, opens her computer, and shows me stuff all the time"
well,  either she is showing you stuff that is on HER computer, or she must have magic internet, cuz you don't have a wireless network  (even when you still had internet)
"well, maybe we should call her, and see what she has"
so I do
but first I get her old man and he doesn't know what kind of service J has
and he gives me her cell number
and then I get J, and I say
"hey, r here tells me that you can walk into his studio and open your laptop, and get online, and show him stuff"
"no I don't"
"wait wait, say that again" as I am holding it out to where r can here it "can you get online over here?"
"no"
(r speaking) "but she shows me all kinds of stuff on the compter"
(J speaking) "it's stuff that's ON my computer, not on the internet"
(me speaking) ok, J, that's what I thought.
as you can maybe gather, this discussion was getting a bit heated, because r is apparently under the impression that there is some great secret (probably female, as well) conspiracy to keep him off line.
But, we all calm back down { with me getting a few jabs in along the way, about the secret internet that only certain (probably female) people get to access, haha }and we hang out for a little while, and then r is taking me home, and since it's just the two of us, I am ribbing him  pretty hard, and also inquiring as to why I, of all people would make my life more difficult, by being part of some secret wireless internet conspiracy? and the discussion gets into how much he DOESN'T know about computers, even compared to me, and he says "HEY, I took a computer class once"
oh, yeah, when as that?
"1964"
and that's all I need to write, I think

No names will be shared, so don't get too worked up, ok?

Allright, I am over at my bud's place, and while we were hanging out another friend came over, too. While he. was somewhere else, we get into a discussion, and somehow this turns to talk about oral sex (and no, guys, that is not all we talk about when you are not around, no matter what your fantasies involve)
 So anyway...she say's

"Well, I don't like blowing my husband,  you know..oral,  it's just  not my thing.
And anyway  I always have to jump up and brush my teeth afterwards...you know, I think he get's offended"

And I'm thinking,
"What? Why? He still got blown, right?" but I don't delve into this subject, this is not a discussion  that I am willing to have at this particular time and place, because of the other people that are present, so we keep on talking, about general girl stuff...but this statement stays with me.

Hmmm...
So, I am having dinner with a few friends, some of them more proper than this discussion will allow, so when the crowd thins out to just me and one other couple, who I know I can have an interesting  (and amusing) discussion with.
So I turn the folks, and I say

"Ok, question for a guy, here."

and I lay out the background, and tell them the story of how my girlfriend says she has to brush her teeth after a blowjob, and I ask the male in the couple

"So, what do you say. would you be offended? Is this offensive? I mean, as a guy...you still got blown, right?"

and my guy friend says, and this is a direct quote from a male

 " I knew that this was what women talked about when  guys weren't around....
 but, hey, I'll buy her a fucking case of toothbrush, she can consider them disposable"

and we all fucking fell out, and much wine was consumed, and we continued to talk about a myriad of things.
But this discussion only continued to fester in my brain. So I lay this on one of my other girlfriends, both conversations, and after many giggles, she says

"well, you know, I hate it when you can feel those little spermatozoa crawling  under my gums, personally"

And we fell out laughing, and I can only say, girlfriend, if you are reading this, keep on brushing, if you are so inclined. And don't be mad, i didn't use your name, either here, or in the discussion among other friends.

my babies!!!

The babies are getting SOOOO big, so fast. I am posting a quick note, to show them  @ 5 days.
Later I'll come back and tell everyone about the whole luna moth story.