racing the fucking turtle, literally

Ok, for those of you who do no actually know me, i have a wholly irreverent sense of humor, and when i am in a good mood, I could empty a bar full of sailors, faster than a naked whore fight in the alley. so, if you have a delicate sense of anything, it was nice knowing you, but don't let the door hit you in the ass, on your way out.
(ok, with that nasty  little business out of the way, the rest of us can have a nice little chat.)
I was just the other day remebering a day when we left the doors to the studio open last summer, and I came whizzing out of the fucking office (god I HATE doing bookwork, doesn't anyone have a razor I could use to excise that part of my life? ) and one of our wonderful little painted turtles was making his was across the concrete floor in my studio. OOOOHHH, he was so pretty, and I wanted to keep him as a pet, but reality took a step into my world, so I figured that I  had to get him out of the building, (there's no food, 4 cats, 2 humans, any number of customers and friends coming through, etc etc) Now, keep in mind that  on a good day, I could maybe catch a diseased stink bug with a vacuum cleaner, f someone was helping me to keep him cornered.
So I start to attemp to  move into position to scoop up the turtle.
Hah, easier said than done. That little bastard was fukkin fast, and determined to escape my clumsy wheeled attempts to curtail his freedom.

(and this is a pic I took of our local fauna,why wouldn't he want to go back out????????)

SO,it took a few tries, and some serious manuevering, (yeh, yeh, i'm a woman driver, bite me)... but I worked him into a corner, and grabbed him, so that I could release him into the wild, back to where the berries grow, and so on...do you think there was an ounce of gratitude? Well, if you did, think again. The little bastard turned his open maw on me, and hissed, and kept hissing, until I got him outside, and into the berrie bushes from whence he came. or so I thought,......(2B continued, it's bedtime, I can feel it kicking in, and I'll go take advantage of a few hours of sleep)