off to the hospital again

well here I go, off for an infusion, again
seems like it was only last month....
hey, wait, it was only last month
this seems like an endless cycle
but off we go, hoping that this is the reason I have been feeling better, walking a bit more and all the good things that have occurred in the past year
wow
this is my second year of Tysabri, 3rd if you count the year that I was on it 4 years ago
maybe this is as good as it gets, with my particular form of MS
sigh
my new normal is better than it was, but it has taken a hell of a lot of physical therapy, and work on my part so, is it the meds, or is it me?
I guess that I will need to keep up with all of it, new diet, physical therapy, and Tysabri.
wish me luck, eh?
Sending love out to everyone today

blockage

in every sense
no creative drive
not to write, not to do glass work, not for much of anything
so I decided that I will sit down and write, try to do a bit every day, sort of like a living jourmal
we shall see what comes out of this
hey, bright side, I'll use my new neglected laptop
I don't have any of my images, or contacts transferred to this machine, and it may never happen, so what am I waiting for you may well ask.
Ask away, I don't  have any special answers, ok?
I did get into the studio today, and Helen foiled up a storm, so after she left, I soldered up a storm, and the face is about 1/2 finished, tomorrow will be a soldering kind of day.Don't expect much in the way of punctuation, grammar, or even ideas, at the moment I am just getting started back up, ok?

Working out the details

So, Mark is leaving Frog Valley, and me. I guess MS took that round, eh? Frog Valley is too much for me to handle on my own, but someone will come along, to help with all the work, and enjoy the benefits of being part of this little collection of art and artists.
I am not going anywhere,  so time will tell.
I hope everyone who loves Frog Valley, and me will continue to come around, wish Mark and I both well, enjoy the property, and enjoy the art work...
I am going through all my old posts, so if it sems disjointed, it isn' you, I am clearing the decks, getting prepared for the next phase of my journey. Love to everybody, peace and love. V

having a new roomie, but I think I know him from somewhere

Oh, yeah. He's been my partner for 24 years, and I thought I knew him.
Then he became the most dreaded of all beings
The wasband. That sounds so formal, lets call him the wubbie
You have probably met other wubbies before and each one is unique, let me tell you, but the story sounds familiar.
You know, going on 50, feeling trapped, looking for the easy way out, but there isn't one, ok? Somebody tell these pathetic jet lagged manopausal men that life doesn't just let you walk away, someone gets to pick up all your pieces
 and when you have MS it's hard to pick up anything
there is a funny side to this, but mostly it is pretty sad, to think you spent 20 some year with another person, and then to watch all your dreams and plans just melt away.
maybe this takes a while to get to the funny part, I am still at the somewhat bewildered part.
I'll work on it, get back to you 
It definitely takes some creative thinking, to get along with your wubbie, and he even talks to me about all his new friends and partners. That's ok, as long as I don't have to hear any more about the toxic chick from hell that is finally out of his life, and mine, and this time it's for good.
Where to even begin? Can I just write and publish everything I think? No, too brutal, even for me. I believe I need another blog, where I can write anonymously, that way I don't offend my fans sensibilities. Maybe you can catch me on the flip side, eh?
Maybe I can make a game of it, and folks can find me
drop me a note if you figure it out

Trying to blog, but why?

I feel like I should be writing, and I have amazingly vivid dreams, but when I start to write, everything dries up
I feel dried up
at 43
I can't even get to work in my studio my brain fog defeats me, as does the pain
I am feeling entirely cast adrift by everything I  thought I was heading towards
where do you go from here? unknown
thats a first
A true first for me, I have always felt as if I knew where I was headed,  but right now?
Lost is the only thing I feel, I operate on a daily basis, just getting through the day, the weekend, the next few hours
MS causes depression, as if it wasn't depressing enough just to be diagnosed, that is also part of the package of delightful side dishes, just letting you know
So I am going to use this as a daily (hopefully) exercise, and eventually things will start kicking, hope you are ready for the ride

Part two, or three, who know how many yet to come?

So, I left off when we got to Berkeley Springs right?  That's as good as any to begin the tale again. When we got here we built my pottery studio first, we lived in a tent while we built the pottery shop, and moved into the pottery shop while we continued to grow Frog Valley, I worked 2 million shifts a week, continued making pottery,  and began learning to do stained glass with a local artist, ragtime.
I didn't know where that would lead, but I am glad that I have ended up here, even with MS.
Right now I have just finished running a contest called "Mosaix for the Masses" and I just finished the silent auction site, to sell off the completed pieces to donate money to multiple causes.  I  want to raise money to help other people who are struggling with MS, and our second cause is for veterans, because I cannot believe how poorly they are treated when they return from overseas,  and how little is being said about this. I believe that everyone has the ability to create art, and with a bit of support, they can use their work to rehabilitate their lives, whether for the love of the work, or just getting into a group, and having interaction with others. But I am getting ahead of myself. There is much more before I got to the point of the mosaix for the masses contest. I worked in town and at home for many years until I was diagnosed, and for a few years after, until I couldn't anymore.
Then I just worked here. Let's see, I quite working at Tari's October 16, 1996.
Wow.
I have been a stay at home artist for almost 8 years.
What a blast, excepts that my customers seem to have forgotten that I am up here, and the market right now is brutal, and my hands aren't working right, but hey, MS gets to call most of the shots, at least I can still type (at least well enough for you to read)
I am planning on doing a bunch more writing, so hang in there with me, I have some stories you have not heard yet.
I think I will start this as a daily log/journal, and see where it goes from there.
Keep in mind that I jut got this new laptop.
Be patient.
Very patient.
Also keep in mind that I am also cleaning up my archive, and publishing anything old, just to get it out of my way.
Peace and love
Many more to come

Workingwithms or not?

I am tired. This MS crap is not working for me at all anymore. I am trying to ramp everything back up, as if I was the same person physically that I was in 2003, and guess what? I am not that person anymore, I can't do the same things pre-MS me could do
.Yes I can sort of get myself where I need to go, but I need help unloading or loading my mobility gear and anything I am trying to do, yknow? The shopping needs to go in the house, the mosaic project needs to go into the van, then get to the table where we are working for the day. Every time I try to plan a day, I forget,  oh, wait, you need help doing some of that.
MS Bites, that  is the bottom line of this post.
Do everything while you can
Live your life to it's biggest fullest full color event, and don't listen to any naysayers, ok?
This is just me cleaning out my old blogs that I never finished, and now I am back to learning about my new laptop.
what fun.
Not
Just by the way, MS is not working with me right now